{"id":9903,"date":"2021-03-05T17:12:48","date_gmt":"2021-03-05T20:12:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/gersonguelmann.com.br\/blog\/?p=9903"},"modified":"2021-03-05T17:16:42","modified_gmt":"2021-03-05T20:16:42","slug":"o-marido-e-o-sumico-da-mulher","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/gersonguelmann.com.br\/blog\/o-marido-e-o-sumico-da-mulher\/","title":{"rendered":"O Marido e o Sumi\u00e7o da Mulher"},"content":{"rendered":"
Na Delegacia de Pol\u00edcia:<\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Marido:\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
– Minha mulher desapareceu h\u00e1 24h.\u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/div>\n
Ela saiu para ir \u00e0s compras e n\u00e3o voltou…<\/em><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Policial:\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
– Qual a altura e o peso dela?<\/em><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Marido:<\/span><\/div>\n
– N\u00e3o fa\u00e7o ideia.\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Policial:\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
– Ela \u00e9 magra, gorda, atl\u00e9tica?<\/em><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Marido:\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
– Ela n\u00e3o \u00e9 magra, mas tamb\u00e9m n\u00e3o d\u00e1 para dizer que \u00e9 atl\u00e9tica.<\/em><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Policial:<\/span><\/div>\n
– Qual a cor dos olhos?<\/em><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Marido:\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
– Nunca reparei.<\/em><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Policial:\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
– Qual a cor dos cabelos?<\/em><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Marido:\u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/div>\n
– Muda no m\u00ednimo 4 vezes no ano, atualmente… N\u00e3o sei!<\/em><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Policial:\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
– Ela estava dirigindo?<\/em><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Marido:\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
– Sim!<\/em><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Policial:\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
– Qual a cor do carro?<\/em><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Marido:\u00a0<\/span><\/div>\n
– Um CIVIC, 2016, sedan, 4 portas, motor 2.0, 16v, DOHC I-VTEC, vermelho rally, bancos em suede costura vermelha, c\u00e2mbio manual 6 marchas com controle de tra\u00e7\u00e3o e estabilidade (VSA e EBD), diferencial deslizante (LSD), multim\u00eddia Pioneer, com c\u00e2mera de r\u00e9, sub woofer JBL, m\u00f3dulo taramps, hondata, SRI K&N, tbi spacer obx, escape invidia q300, coletor skunk2 alpha, far\u00f3is principais e auxiliares de xenon, ar condicionado digital com filtros anti \u00e1caro, 4 Airbags, pneus Michelin Pilot Sport 4 215.<\/em><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Policial:
\n<\/span>– Fique calmo, n\u00f3s vamos localizar seu carro…<\/span><\/em><\/div>\n
\n

 <\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\"\"<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Na Delegacia de Pol\u00edcia: Marido:\u00a0 – Minha mulher desapareceu h\u00e1 24h.\u00a0\u00a0 Ela saiu para ir \u00e0s compras e n\u00e3o voltou… Policial:\u00a0 – Qual a altura e o peso dela? Marido: – N\u00e3o fa\u00e7o ideia.\u00a0 Policial:\u00a0 – Ela \u00e9 magra, gorda, atl\u00e9tica? Marido:\u00a0 – Ela n\u00e3o \u00e9 magra, mas tamb\u00e9m n\u00e3o d\u00e1 para dizer que \u00e9 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":9907,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9903","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-sem-categoria"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nO Marido e o Sumi\u00e7o da Mulher | Blog do Guelmann<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/gersonguelmann.com.br\/blog\/o-marido-e-o-sumico-da-mulher\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"pt_BR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"O Marido e o Sumi\u00e7o da Mulher | Blog do Guelmann\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Na Delegacia de Pol\u00edcia: Marido:\u00a0 – Minha mulher desapareceu h\u00e1 24h.\u00a0\u00a0 Ela saiu para ir \u00e0s compras e n\u00e3o voltou… Policial:\u00a0 – Qual a altura e o peso dela? 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No balc\u00e3o do caixa, ela abriu a bolsa para pagar. O caixa notou um controle remoto de TV em sua bolsa. Ele n\u00e3o conseguiu controlar a curiosidade e perguntou: \"Voc\u00ea sempre carrega o controle remoto da TV com voc\u00ea?\"\u00a0 Ela\u2026","rel":"","context":"Em "Sem categoria"","block_context":{"text":"Sem categoria","link":"https:\/\/gersonguelmann.com.br\/blog\/category\/sem-categoria\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/gersonguelmann.com.br\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/Guerra.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1156,"url":"https:\/\/gersonguelmann.com.br\/blog\/nao-discuta-com-uma-mulher-teimosa-uma-fabula-moderna\/","url_meta":{"origin":9903,"position":2},"title":"N\u00e3o Discuta Com Uma Mulher Teimosa! (Uma F\u00e1bula Moderna)","author":"Gerson Guelmann","date":"1 de dezembro de 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Uma pobre mulher, camponesa, saiu com seu machado para buscar lenha na beira do rio. Ao tentar cortar o galho de uma \u00e1rvore, o machado escapou de suas m\u00e3os e caiu na \u00e1gua.\u00a0 \u00a0 Ela se p\u00f4s a chorar e, religiosa que era, rezou pedindo que D-us a ajudasse. 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Veja a Explica\u00e7\u00e3o","author":"Gerson Guelmann","date":"18 de agosto de 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"O universo machista \u00e9 pr\u00f3digo em inventar piadas sobre maridos que encontram outros homens dentro dos arm\u00e1rios. A cena \u00e9 cl\u00e1ssica: o marido, provavelmente ressabiado, entra no quarto, depara com a mulher assustada, abre a porta do arm\u00e1rio e flagra o amante dela escondido. Como disse, a situa\u00e7\u00e3o \u00e9 extremamente\u2026","rel":"","context":"Em "Sem categoria"","block_context":{"text":"Sem categoria","link":"https:\/\/gersonguelmann.com.br\/blog\/category\/sem-categoria\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/gersonguelmann.com.br\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/Arm%C3%A1rio.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/gersonguelmann.com.br\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/Arm%C3%A1rio.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/gersonguelmann.com.br\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/Arm%C3%A1rio.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/gersonguelmann.com.br\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/Arm%C3%A1rio.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/gersonguelmann.com.br\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/08\/Arm%C3%A1rio.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":139,"url":"https:\/\/gersonguelmann.com.br\/blog\/manual-da-esposa-judia-ou-guia-de-sobrevivencia-do-marido-judeu\/","url_meta":{"origin":9903,"position":4},"title":"Manual da Esposa Judia (ou Guia de Sobreviv\u00eancia do Marido Judeu)","author":"Gerson Guelmann","date":"3 de abril de 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"\u2022 A esposa sempre faz as regras. \u2022 As regras est\u00e3o sujeitas a altera\u00e7\u00f5es a qualquer momento, sem aviso pr\u00e9vio. \u2022 Nenhum marido pode conhecer todas as regras. \u2022 Se a esposa suspeitar que o marido conhece todas as regras, ela dever\u00e1 imediatamente mudar algumas ou todas. \u2022 A esposa\u2026","rel":"","context":"Em "Sem categoria"","block_context":{"text":"Sem categoria","link":"https:\/\/gersonguelmann.com.br\/blog\/category\/sem-categoria\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/gersonguelmann.com.br\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/Manual.jpg?fit=1052%2C699&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/gersonguelmann.com.br\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/Manual.jpg?fit=1052%2C699&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/gersonguelmann.com.br\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/Manual.jpg?fit=1052%2C699&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/gersonguelmann.com.br\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/Manual.jpg?fit=1052%2C699&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/gersonguelmann.com.br\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/Manual.jpg?fit=1052%2C699&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":6841,"url":"https:\/\/gersonguelmann.com.br\/blog\/simao-e-o-ditado-em-briga-de-marido-e-mulher-nao-se-deve-meter-a-colher\/","url_meta":{"origin":9903,"position":5},"title":"Sim\u00e3o e o Ditado “Em Briga de Marido e Mulher N\u00e3o Se Deve Meter a Colher”…","author":"Gerson Guelmann","date":"1 de novembro de 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Sim\u00e3o estava conversando com o amigo Jacob no bar do clube, no final da tarde de sexta-feira. 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